Uncle Graham was as shocked as I was proud

Posted by Sarah Wood on 14/10/08 in News, has 9 comments

Last week, I was asked by Don to speak at a study day for service providers, in Oldham. Truth is, I was second choice (or possibly third) but hey! I’m ok with being second or third choice. When they were picking teams at school for PE, I was usually last; so being second or third was quite an ego boost.

I had been asked to speak, in my capacity as a parent carer. To share our experience of being in receipt of services and to highlight changes that are (slowly) happening within service provision.

I am always happy to do this, as I believe our story is truly inspirational.

Life used to mean being eternally grateful for services that failed us, or at the very least, did not fit with our family’s aims. Life was dull, frustrating, depressing, guilt ridden, busy, tiring and one long struggle. Struggling is great if it gets you somewhere, but when it’s just to survive, it’s not much fun.

I am sure most families will not need any further enlightenment on the daily grind.

About two years ago my brother ‘phoned. The famous “Uncle Graham.”

“Hiya Kips, is Adam about? Just wanted to give him my latest mileage.”

“No, I’m afraid he’s out. He’ll be back in about two hours,” I said, anticipating his reaction.

“What do you mean, out? Where is he?” Uncle Graham was as shocked as I was proud.

“He’s at the snooker club playing pool. He’s gone with his mate, Ben.”

“No seriously Kips. Where is he? I haven’t got long. No time for your sarcasm today!”

“I’m being perfectly serious. Adam is out for the afternoon; with his mate Ben, playing pool. Then they are going for something to eat,” I could hardly hide the joy in my voice.

“That’s bloody ace! You did it then? You finally did it?”

“Yes we did it! We finally flaming did it. I’m sitting here on the phone like any other Mum. Adam is out! Out enjoying a social life, with his mate.”

“Oh Kips, I am so proud of you. You know when you first started going on about Individualised Budgets and Person centred planning stuff, I never imagined that it could lead to things like this. It’s all so....... normal!”

That was two years ago. Adam had changed from sitting in his room night after night, day after day to getting out and about, seeing mates, travelling and generally having a life with choices.

We have moved even further on from those successes now and Adam has made some massive achievements including working, travelling, taking responsibility for his own food shopping, bed changing and planning his future.

This, unfortunately, did not happen miraculously or quickly. It has taken about four years to move from gloom to joy. I am happy to tell people how we did it, why we did it, and what the process of doing it involved.

The service providers, in Oldham, listened and appreciated the benefit of our experience. I am overjoyed to have finally put things in place for Adam. His new set up means his gifts and talents are recognised, he can determine his own future and he can contribute to his local community.

We now all have a responsibility to extend these changes to everyone. As a parent, I am anxious that my experience can go some way towards making the process easier for those that are at the beginning of their journey.

Adam came home one evening recently, flicking his ears and declaring “I love my life.”

From a young man who rarely uses verbal language, and after nineteen years of struggling, that was all the fuel I need to keep going.